Strange Restaurants & Kids' Comments

OK first, sorry for not posting for a while, for all 3 of you that read this (LOL). I guess if I was even a AAA-league blogger, we'd have at least a few thow (I made that spelling up - you know what I mean) reading this. Of course, it'd have to be very regular, and very interesting. So yeah, I have a ways to go. Bethatasitmay, to today's topics...

Strange Restaurants. OK I recently had the chance to be in an ethnically diverse neighborhood, and at this particular strip mall there were some interesting restaurant names, obviously from first generation Americans. Their work ethic is unparalleled, their belief in the American dream inspiring, their sense of marketing and brand-development, absent to the point of hilarious! Let me give you a few examples. This first one is particularly choice, clearly ethnically diverse. So much so, that I figure the proprietors are a Chinese husband and a Hispanic wife. He greets, seats, and serves; she's in back whipping up the specials. The name of the restaurant? Ready for this? Carnitas de Mandarin. I can hear it now. "I'll take the mongolian beef tacos please, fried rice, refried beans, and give me one of those dimsum enchiladas with the hot oil dipping sauce. And for desert? Monkey chimichangas! Oh yeah!" I couldn't even bring myself to walk up and read the menu on the window. I was liable to walk off laughing, and I didn't want to be disrespectful. If I had my own restaurant, I could laugh, but since I don't, I can't, at least not out in front of their gig. I can in front of my keyboard, and that's exactly what I am doing now. Ok, this second one is a bit more muted, still quite funny, but screams an obvious ESL (English as a Second Language) disposition. Ready? Imagine, in a big red colorful lettering, above the front doors to a (sadly) empty restaurant, the words Wonderful Chinese Restaurant. Can you imagine calling 411, and asking for a listing for Wonderful Chinese Restaurant. I can hear the operator coming online, saying, "I'm sorry sir, but we're not permitted or equipped to provide restaurant reviews. There are many restaurants in your area. Can I get a name for the listing you seek?" The other part about this that strikes me as funny is the shameless attempt to convince people that this place is really good, using the name of the place to convince you and seal the deal. "Yeah, I came here because your name says you are wonderful, and wow, that was too compelling to resist. By chance, can I get some mongolian beef tacos to go? Oh wait, that's the place down the street. Sorry." This just cracks me up. You probably just think I am nuts. Onto topic #2.

Kids' Comments. Somehow or another my wife and I got on the topic of kids and their comments. I learned that her daughter (my step-daughter) at an early age, was taught that nobody touches her private parts. All responsible parents teach their kids this. So years ago, when my wife's daughter is all of three years old, and they're in line at the grocery store, my wife is in front of the cart, and her daughter is sitting in it facing the middle-aged man behind her in line. And what does she declare to this complete stranger in a loud, assertive voice, with all the authority a three year old can muster? "NOBODY touches my private parts!" My wife was concurrently mortified and dying laughing right there at checkstand seven. So after that story, I shared my own. She learned about my little brother, probably four at the time, somewhere on isle 12 at the local grocery, Mom pushing the cart. I was busy scanning the isle for things I wanted, grabbing them, and trying to convince my mom to get them. So it was a constant, "No Mark." coming from Mom. Something about my little bro though, he had this weird thing about midgets, but he couldn't pronounce the word. He'd call them midritches. However, at four, he couldn't and wouldn't distinguish between a midget and a dwarf; they were both the same - oddly short people. And they were all proclaimed midritches. So in either case, when there was a "sighting", the same reaction would occur. You probably figured it out already. Behind and approaching Mom, strolling down isle 12, is a dwarf. My bro leans to look past Mom, and sees him. "MOM!" he cries out, trying to get her attention. (I can tell, he's about to pop.) He leans past her and looks again, to be sure. Yep. Then, as usual, he takes a deep breath and starts a pointing, screaming tirade to the world: "MIDRITCH! MOM! A MIDRITCH!! MOM!! MOM!!!" She tries to hush him, starts pushing faster. He screams louder, thinking she does not see what he sees. She hushes him louder, finally covers his mouth as she quickly pushes the cart around the corner. You can still hear his screams under the muffle of her hand. I am almost peeing my pants laughing, following behind, trying not to look at the dwarf who's obvious physical characteristics are being maligned by a fearful four year old. The thought of it still makes me laugh. This is so not-P.C., but I can't help it.

Life is short. My advise is, laugh a lot, and pursue your purpose in life. Oh, and feel free to publish the link to this blog. Or at least leave me a note if you like (or hate) what you read.
Thanks for playing! :^/